Sister Sharing
Circle was a revelation.
Developed
by Esperanza Dodge and her colleagues at Young Women United, the
Sister Sharing Circle experience was conceptualized by women of color
for women of color. Sister Sharing Circles are hosted by YWU's
Luna Sagrada, a collective that offers free support to low-income
families of color in pregnancy, labor, postpartum and breastfeeding.
Part support group, part
consciousness raising session, part dinner party, Sister Sharing Circle is a monthly
two-hour program on varying topics of urgent interest held at YWU's welcoming offices on Gold Street in the heart of
downtown Albuquerque.
This month the
topic was Breastfeeding/Chestfeeding, and I'd driven down from Santa
Fe eager to participate as an ally, grateful for the opportunity to
help get the word out about this foundational work, and looking
forward to confronting and challenging my own vast ignorance on the
issues, e.g. lesbian mama co-nursing, community cross-nursing, and the
miracle of transgender nursing. In truth, I'd been craving just this
kind of purpose-driven socializing. We may no longer meet daily at
the village well or riverbank, but we women have no less need of each
other's easy company than previous generations who did.
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“A newborn baby
has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother,
food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her
presence.” --Grantly Dick-Read
|
We
shared a delicious meal (free to participants) from Buca di
Beppo—pasta, salad, bread, and mini-connoli in chocolate sauce. As
women happened in from work or school, some with their children in
tow (childcare is provided, also free of charge) we chatted and ate
heartily. After a time, Esperanza asked a “check-in” question by
way of introducing ourselves: “If you were an ice cream flavor,
which would you be?” The answers were as lighthearted as the query:
“Rocky Road, because it's a little bit of everything;” “Rainbow
Sherbert, because it's fresh and light;” “Cookie-dough
anything,”
said the UNM grad student in Public Health to knowing smiles, no
explanation needed.
We read together.
Aloud, we took turns, and then discussed what we'd read: “Is Slavery Why Black Women Aren't Breastfeeding?” In a word, Yes.
While not the sole factor, the persistent legacy of African-American
chattel slavery with its blame-the-victim stigma and collective
trauma of “wet-nursing” remains an enduring cultural barrier. But
the low breastfeeding rates among African-American mothers have real
and often severe health consequences for their babies. The benefits
of mother-to-baby transfer of Colostrum, the rich milk of protective
antibodies that is produced in the first days after birth, cannot be
overemphasized—even a single ounce.
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| YWU has a library of resources available for loan, including this title. |
“These
are not simple choices for some parents,” Esperanza explained. “They
carry a lot of weight. And it won't be fixed by information. There
are things the mother won't say. She might not tell you that her
mother told her about breastfeeding, 'That's for poor people.' She
might just say, 'I can't.'
“Knowledge
of history,” Esperanza explained, “acknowledges a person in
their background. It's especially important because in New Mexico our
initial breastfeeding rates are higher than average, then they drop
off. The key factor is support.” One woman, herself a midwife, told
us that given her profession, at first her mother was reluctant to
say too much, didn't want to get in her business, so to speak. But as
a newly nursing mother, she needed her to do just that. “It was my
mother who showed me how to hold my breast so the baby could latch
on; she was the one who showed me the C-hold and how to get the
nipple flat enough; she told me to make it like a sandwich and put it
in his mouth. She drew me a picture!”
Without support it
can feel overwhelming, especially for women whose babies are at home
while they work all day. Taking lonely breaks in the ladies room with
her breast pump, one woman recalled her past attempt with disgust. “I
made a mess at work!” Not all employers are as baby-friendly as the
University of New Mexico, which provides lactation stations atseveral campus locations where parents can feed their babies, or pump
and collect their milk for later feeding. Both the current and future
administrator of UNM's Breastfeeding Support program participated in
the Sister Sharing Circle that evening.
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| UNM's lactation stations are designed to take the stress out of breastfeeding. |
Some
women spoke about their insecurities as to whether they would be able
to produce enough milk, or fears about knowing whether the baby was
getting enough, or expressed concern about receiving conflicting
advice from family: “When I think about having a baby, I think
about returning to my family, to the village. But everyone
will be there and everyone
will have a different thing to say. How will I know what's right? I'm
torn between wanting the village and feeling it's too much.”
“There's
a coldness, a harshness coming from the medical profession,” one
woman shared. “They'll say to a new mother, You're not making
enough, why don't you just supplement? They can be so insensitive to
the new mothers' feelings. It's no wonder the numbers are so low.”
Sometimes babies are not released from the Natal Intensive Care Unit
unless the mothers agree to supplement with formula, which can
undermine a mother's best intentions.
With a deeper
understanding of both the difficulties and rewards of breastfeeding,
Esperanza asked us to write down on brightly colored notepads what
words we would use to encourage a breastfeeding parent. A cascade of
beautiful words rained down on us:
You are not alone. How can I help? What do you need?
Every drop you give is wonderful.
Baby steps are what’s important. Don’t give up.
Keep doing your best, your baby appreciates it more than you know!
One woman reminded
us that encouragement can come non-verbally too. “I sent a
beautiful picture of a woman with tattoos breastfeeding her child, to
my cousin who was having difficulties and also had tattoos. It meant
a lot to her.”
As our time
together drew to a close, Esperanza asked us to each articulate what
we had valued most about this Sister Sharing Circle.
Hearing the stories...everyone's experiences...learning about the
history... learning what resources there are...being able to share...
practicing what I might say to someone needing support... feeling the
compassion and kindness...expanding my knowledge...I'm feeling more
encouragement...it's not so embarrassing to talk here...listening to
all the wisdoms...remembering my work is important...the chance to
speak directly to pregnant women.
As if we hadn't
already received more than enough gifts—nourishment for the mind,
body and spirit—the Sister Sharing Circle ended with a prize
giveaway—nursing pads, a journal, baby sun block, a nursing apron,
and a promise. The promise was given to the woman who had “made the
mess” the first go around, who dearly wants to breastfeed her
second baby due in August, who feels committed to try again even
though it didn't go well for her last time.
Esperanza (whose
name means hope) said the words that could just make all the
difference for her and her newborn: “This time you have us. We will
definitely be there for you.”
